AA...NA...whats the diff?
i let cameo talk me into bad things a week ago.
i am too strong to let anyone talk me into anything.
if anything...i want to do everything i possibly can. and am perpetually begging to be let in on that dirty little secret.
but we did it. no matter who was at the helm. ive wanted to do everything ive ever done. theres no blame. theres nothing to blame anyone about.
tonight, we went to our first AA meeting.
not on purpose. we meant to go to an NA meeting. wrong room.
i was confronted by several willing sponsors at the end of the hour-long meeting and i was shaking in my boots.
im not ready to stop anything. ive never been ready nor have i admitted to readiness. i went tonight to support a friend.
they spoke to me though. everything anyone said was the truth about me. and themselves. so refreshing. no one talks the truth about themselves. no one who can accept it, anyways.
but when it came time to choosing a sponsor-a person to be able to call in any time of doubt, of weakness-i was caught like a deer in the headlights. my heart raced. i felt like it was time to choose my mommy.
i tried to shy away. but...how do you shy away from people who are targeting you to help you in a room with you and only one other person (your bff) who needs help? you dont. thats the answer i learned the hard way.
these womens' stories...i dont know if they broke my heart or made me wanna call shane or get wasted.
but, i think i learned tonight that i am not ready to quit anything. and if i am, i can most definitely do it on my own.
it sounds so beautiful to have a sponsor...so helpful. but not to someone not ready to quit anything. i need no help right now.
how do i explain that to brook?