beginning of the end
Friday, Jun. 14, 2019 + 11:22 a.m.

not sure what to say.

but i think im in some big trouble.

all i did was let someone send mail to my house.

it never showed up.

now my mom and i are literally in danger.

and theres nothing i can do short of coming up with 10 grand. and that might not even fix it.

cant tell her.

cant tell her to not answer the door.

cant tell her to stay in the house.

cant tell her to find somewhere to go.

cant tell her we have to move. right. now.

i have a terrible feeling that this is...pure karma.

the other night i was at hunters and i know of a stash spot and i checked it just for fun. i found a baggie and took it.

not a huge baggie. i didnt even touch it that night. just took it.

then the next day this happens.

even though i have no control over the mail, this feels like my fault. i guess thats my guilt. or karma.

i feel like im in a movie. but thats cuz i watch too many movies.

so this is what it feels like to fear for your life. for your mother's life.

this is what its like to be able to imagine your brother becoming an orphan and being robbed of his family.

this is a stress unlike any ive ever known. wondering if my house is being watched. wondering if im being followed. wondering if ill come home to my moms lifeless body. wondering if ill get a chance to plead my innocence. wondering if theyll make it look like a botched burglary. wondering if i can do anything.

feeling helpless knowing i cant.

...this may be my last entry.

its weird sitting at work having to work knowing this.

I only get sleepless nights

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