i want i want i want
it doesnt change or go away or wane, even. i knew itd be this way and i think it always will.
i love cocaine. i knew it was an eternal love back when we first met.
me and john have been doing it regularly on weekends for a few months. its been fun. not nearly enough, of course, but since i didnt pay for any of it...
its also awesome that my neighbor loves it and does it all the time and that she likes sharing.
i want more. but the difference between old me and before me is that i know i cant. financially. i think old me would have spent every last dollar for it. this me knows better. which is why i havent spent money on it in over a year.
well, the me whos been writing this thus far is week-ago me. this is today me.
i bought a ball last weekend. how could i resist?? someone handed me a check for $80 that i wasnt expecting and it was a ball. oh, how i drooled for it.
i want money so i can buy more. but i dont have any monetary prospects. so i smoke and drink.
ive been smoking a ridiculous amount lately. its crazy. i feel it harming my lungs. but i must stay high for some reason. i cant face this life without it. so i should go out and change my life to a life i can stand without being blazed the whole time. i know. but i dont do it. idk how to stop smoking honestly. or even ration it better. i have nothing else to do, so i might as well get high. its a pass time as much as anything else. but its also a bitch on my teeny tiny wallet.
one day ill live in a cocaine palace with cocaine butlers and cocaine lovers.