fucking alice
im in a wierd dimension. spiraling.
flying.
fucking every drug under the sun in the last two weeks.
roxies are heroin ive learned.
and shooting is the same. which is why i felt so amazing.
dont ask me the days.
shot oxys.
did coke. did coke.
coricidin all week. found energy. found life. found my path and where i know it needs to take me.
im not scared of anything.
only excited. my life cant go down anymore. i mean, it probably could...but its not. this is the bottom i say. and im only going up.
i have a soul mate and together we are going to california by the end of this month. trust me.
i will hit the bottom here if i stay. so, i cant. and he already has.
cameo and i got more tcs just now at publix. this is maybe the most sober ive been all week.
had a fucking threesome last night?! or at 4 am, because we did too many whipits and xanax and passed out til 230 am and gils house was the only place awake by then. CRAZY!!
but this is the most sober ive been.
everything is fucking swirling out of control. this is it. i have to go. you know? whipits. xanax. coke. triple c's. roxies. oxys. drinking. how much longer can drugzilla survive if she doesnt go?
my mom came to me crying last night. while i was tripping. her friend had a stroke. my heart broke. i couldnt handle seeing mommy cry. i need out. i held her like she hasnt held me in years. god. this is all a mess.