vocabulary lessons
my body hurts.
as i left this computer lab after leaving my last entry, he was at the door. in my naive, hopeless romantic's heart, i thought it was kismet. turns out he had called to find out where i was.
the night before i told him that id fuck him "some other time". little did i know that "some other time" meant 6 hours later, at 8 something in the morning.
* * *
i gave him head first. kind of hoping itd be enough and hed let me sleep. no, it wasnt enough. but, for the first time in a long time i enjoyed the sex.
sex has become so meaningless to me. its a chore that i hate-but i keep doing it because its expected of me and makes men want me. maybe because he didnt force me or because i was sober it was better. i dont know. maybe its because this one doesnt appall me. i cant say. but it was nice. and he didnt take that long. which is good because i was exhausted. and now, a day later..is it just one day? could be two? my body really hurts.
took my first pregnancy test last night. first of many, im sure. my "not pregnant" test results were probably in that .1% margin of error.