i want drugs
im so fucked up.
and it makes me just want to get so fucked up.
i miss pill highs.
i even miss the lows.
i miss wandering the streets at all hours of the day and night for reasons and for no reasons.
the only pills i care to work to get my hands on these days are xanax but i dont care to fuckin get high off xanax. it just makes me eat and sleep and eat and sleep and heavy and tired.
i wish the good ones were cheap and easy to come by like the old days.
i wish i could turn into a heroin addict.
but im not that far gone.
im in fucking purgatory.
i literally do not know how to function like a human being and lead a normal life and maintain relationships but i care just enough about my pathetic dumb life to not throw it all away for a=the life of drugs and reckless abandon ive always yearned for.
not that i love the idea of having no place to shower, asking strangers for money, not remembering the last time i ate or slept...but when youre so strung out you dgaf anyways...
yeah. thats what i want.