to kno or not to kno
i am so confused.
i have been drug free for about 90 days.
i havent worked any steps, so im not yet honest.
i did coke two weeks ago. (but i havent done coke since december!)
i havent stopped drinking.
im a liar.
which is a bad thing to be as a recovering..anything...
im drinking right now.
i cant stop and i fear sleep without it.
why, though? thats the hardest thing.
why do i have this impulse to drink? even when i am sitting at home for the night and all is well, i want to drink. why?
i think i am buzzed. sometimes im not. but i still drink.
its contained and its pleasant.
but i cant stop.
thats a prob.
i dont get angry, argumentative, sad, depressed, aggresive.
but...if i drink at home with only me..its a pronlem.
i enjoy feeling buzzzed. i enjoy feeling wormy and wiggly and warm.
is that so wrong?! in my home...on my couch...watching my scrubs...
whats wrong with drinking?
i really want to know..i think ill research it.
i dont feel okay but i dont feel wrong.