lifelong servitude
will there ever be an end to this diary?
i hope so (not if i can help it).
im so...my life is just in this perpetual state of confusion. i dont know anything except that i dont want to know anything!
yesterday i indulged in roxies, coke, and smoking. i dont know why. i dont see why not. so, why does it bother me?
because of the want inside me for more forever i think.
at least i was productive during though. shan and i painted my room in between the lines. ha. get it. well, between doing lines. okay. maybe not so funny.
drugs are an inherent part of my being. i dont think i can-nor do i care to-ever have my vices completely removed from my self. its scary though. because so easily things can get out of hand. in the blink of an eye i could go from being a well functioning adult to bending over pantsless just begging for life to fuck me in the ass. so, why do i keep putting myself into temptations way? im already bent over.
i want coke.