drunkzilla
blackouts.
its my new thing, it seems.
almost every time i drink. even if i dont drink a lot, by the next morning i can only remember the first drink. its really fucking annoying.
i mean, if im going to wake up and spend the day regretting drinking so much the night before, the least i deserve is to remember what happened. the least!
so, last night-st. patty's day-is a confusing blur.
i went to pee in some bushes and ended up soaking my pants. so retarded.
i know i saw leah last night-i have a feeling she drove me home.
but i also have a feeling i called a cab.
especially because i called two different companies last night (according to my cell).
and i faintly recall fighting with my mom for her to give me the debit card to our joint account. i am not sure why and to pay for a cab is the only reason i can come up with. i have no clue.
oh, but and i lost my card and id. thats why i needed our wachovia card for whatever i needed it for.
luckily, i had enough wits about me last night to call and freeze my card in case i got it stolen. but i have a feeling i just left it somewheres-i just dont know where. i think coyote ugly.
oh the blurs man. im dreading facing my mom after the card incident last night. thank god i dont remember so much or else im sure id be dreading it more. but, i took the card with my to work so i can replace whatever money i took last night for whatever it was i needed it for.
this is terrible. im not a lightweight. i have a pretty big tolerance, i just have these huge blanks tho. i have some apologizing to do to leah. she doesnt drink and i dont think she likes it much. and i dont think i came off well last night. im sure i didnt, actually.
i dont want to have to not drink too! its all i had left. ive stopped everything but drinking and smoking.
what, one day im going to wake up and have no vices? be completely normal?? no way. i like my vices. i want them but the way this drinking is happening...
i cant drink alone in public because i go home with strangers and pee on myself.
i dont have any friends who can drink with me for a menagerie of reasons.
so shit.
im going to have to drink by myself at home. thats how its gonna have to be. or i can find a way to stop blacking out? is that possible?
fin