an update on the destruction of my life
vodka. roxies. oxys. bars.
in the last month or months (im not too sure, really) ive drank, snorted, smoked, and eaten my way into some temporary life daze. idk why.
pills. my new vice in a long line of life addictions. i think my earliest may have been writing (which, as evidenced by my lack of attention to these diaries, i think ive weened myself from it). but now, my crutch or love-if you will-is pills. i reread the last entry or the one before it where i said they were just easier to get. its true.
its very troubling to kno i need something to get me through a weekend and some weeknights. i mean, why is it that way? why am i so depressed and sad when im not doing a drug? or is it the people? no, i doubt that. i dont really treasure the people in the same way anymore. its the drugs. then, still, why?
i dont want it to stop. i like it. i like it for now. i dont like it when i cant keep my eyes open from roxies. or when i cant keep from vomiting after smoking one pill or another. but, i dont ever, ever stop.
i want coke. more than anything. im getting so fat. its distrubing. disgusting. discouraging. any dis- in the dictionary it is. i need coke. but i cant get it. so, i do my pills. drink my drinks. and of course smoke my weed. because there just isnt anything else for me, it seems.