you cant always get what you want, but if you try sometimes...
what a long weekend. loooong. and it all revolved around coke. nonstop. work. coke.
friday: $40 for me. went to migs. smoked. drank. quarter bar to sleep. passed out at 4:30am
saturday: slept thru waking up for work. split $80 with alex and leah ($50 was alex's, $20 was mine, $10 was leah's).
sunday: got $20 from leah during work. finished it by early evening. put in $10 on a $40 with christine. went to boomers. smoked kryppy with cameos mom (random). hung out by the airport. drove back and forth on 95 like 4 times from hallandale to commercial. eventually passed out around 5 something to wake up at 6 today for work.
today: i dont even know really its monday. still feels weekend-y. i am soo tired and emotionally weak now. almost cried on the phone with a customer. and i want more.
since friday, i have eaten:
some nutter butters
bugles
cheese danish
not much else. i know theres more, but it was some processed, packaged, less than a dollar something.
im tired. and probably broke. too scared too look at my account. i just keep withdrawing.
but its what i wanted. most definitely a binge. i feel like i could have od'd last night. at the end i smoked a chopper and when i was done my heart was beating very hard in my chest and i was very warm and it wouldnt stop. do i want to od? maybe. i dont know.
i dont know. i cant write anymore...i dont want to face facts. i dont want to make any decisions. i cant. because i know what decision is best. but its not best. whats best??
not me.