cocaine dreams
Thursday, Mar. 15, 2007 + 9:57 a.m.

i dream in coke.

its annoying. i love it in my dreams. and when i wake up i expect to wake up to lines on a book near my bed. but, nothing.

i was going on some all expenses paid trip to france at like midnight. i think it was with shannon. but throughout my dream "shannon" was adelaine and alex too. and we had coke. lots of it. i took my part into a room to do with no one around. i loved it.

i want it. i still havent decided what kind of addiction it is. i guess its mostly psychological. i dont have physical withdrawls-its been too long without heavy use for that. but when someone says: coke, my body goes into crazy mode. even when it wasnt on my mind and i dont even want it. my stomach gets knotty. my hands get clammy. and it doesnt go away til i get some. and if-god forbid if-i dont get any...its hard to sleep. im antsy...it sucks.

i suck. i want soo much. to myself. no one else. like we used to do. get a gram each. or a gram and a half each. '

this is sick. i wish it didnt matter to me. and a lot of the times it doesnt...as much. but, then theres times..times when i dont have much yay in my life and i substitute with smoking and munching out. then i get fat. and i hate myself. and i need coke to bring me back.

ha. i neeed coke.

im a joke.

I only get sleepless nights

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