time after time
its hard to allow myself to write this entry.
i feel so broken. weak. its so sad. i cant escape.
i havent slept since i woke up for work yesterday morning. and i dont think i could if i had the chance. i tried. but instead, i had more.
more cocaine. more weakening. more self-indulgence. more sickness.
i hate myself. i do. why cant i get away? why do i keep doing this to myself?
weaknesses.
i dont even know what to say. im disappointed in myself for wanting this drug so badly. im upset that i allow myself to give in to temptation when i kno the outcome is going to be this.
drained. empty. tired. depressed. alone.
my eyes hurt from being open for so long.
my mouth hurts from grinding so hard.
my stomach hurts from being so neglected.
my head hurts from being so upset.
yet. at the same time, im not quitting. im not saying good bye. and i wish i knew why.