days away
Wednesday, Sept. 13, 2006 + 9:00 a.m.

drugs suck me in.

i just wrote an extended version of my last 4 days of living, but why? its too long and id never reread it anyhow...

friday me and alex got 4g for $110. delicious. *thank you tremayne cherry. it was gone saturday night.

sunday night the house used its gravitational pull to suck me in again, i didnt leave until i managed to extract myself from its insides tuesday afternoon.

i blacked out from too much duster. i feel like i gave myself a concusion or a contusion-something. i fell onto the kitchen floor and woke up with a really sore head, neck, and back. last night-two nights later-i had problems sleeping because of it. my first thought when i came to: permanent damage. im sure i couldve used that spinal fluid the xtc sucks out for the injury. not sure how-but sure.

the four of us in the house monday night tripped on dxm-me, karlos, miguel, and jessica. we went on the roof, stared at the clouds, waxed poetic, and lost our selves in the atmosphere.

tuesday i procrastinated leaving. i didnt want to. god, if i could just quit my job and live in that house letting everyone around me support my habits-id be so happy. i hate having to return to this real world. i hate having to return to the life of logical thinking and boundaries. i made so many laps around the house collecting my things and rechecking and triple checking to make sure i had everything. but really i was just stalling with the leaving.

i guess i needed to go home. on the bus i somehow managed to completely miss hollywood. i am still convinced that we didnt go the whole route thru young circle. i dont know where i was when that happened. i dont think i slept as long as it takes to go through all of that. whatever. im gone. out of it. and still craving more of it.

i lied. i spent my money on coke and plenty other things besides coke. i need to start saving for college and for not living with the mom. december people. december i will be free.

will i go to college? or lose myself deeper than im already lost?

stay tuned.

I only get sleepless nights

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