to live is to die
the best feeling is the first moments of realizing youre under an influence.
the first head rush and the first instance of unstability on your feet.
its amazing. from then, for hours youre fucked up. mest.
it feels like im fucked up forever. fucked up becomes the normal state of conciousness. the more i come down the more fucked i try to get. to maintain a level.
i drank and drank and drank tuesday night and wednesday. i was afraid for some reason of being sober. i also kept smoking. and kept tooting.
nobody calls it tooting anymore.
ive never called it tooting.
i considered tcs, but i didnt have them on me and there wasnt really a reason. blunts were flying around at a constant pace. lines were being chopped in between bong hits and shots.
where is life going? im not sure. i know i want more drugs. or at least id like to maintain a steady inflow of it.
boredom wraps itself around me otherwise. and then it tries to choke me. unless i can escape myself and live.
and by live i mean do drugs.