final stratch
last entry was the beginning of the end.
that night i bought myself a ball and the next day after shan and i had depleted it we bought more.
once that was gone i took acid and rolls. i had good sex and a fun time, but i couldnt eat or sleep normally for days after that.
once shannon and me finished our cocaine the break started. we pacted, in bloody fingerprints, to not engage in any cocainal activities for one month.
that was june 6th. only a couple days left.
were proud we did it.
scared that its over.
scared that its not at all.
after your first time of quitting it only gets worse. and i want it.
but on this 230th fourth day of july for this country, i will not think about the days to come. i will focus on being as unsober on everything but coke as i can.
i will squeeze what i can out of these last days of the last of my innocence.
but i fear that those days are much too far behind to matter anymore.
*ive noticed the acid has gotten to me. its only been 4 times so far, but i feel it creeping around my brain.*