go ask jordan
i am sober.
for the first time today, i am truly sober.
i woke up drunk (last night i went to ft. lauderdale beach with shan, met orlando, let him get me drunk, and puked twice). then i came here to sheilas and smoked.
now, i am empty.
the cocaine lately has been taking over. i told fred there were two reasons for my usage:
1. i, unlike many, like how it makes me feel. from the hyper-lets-do-something-feeling, to the i-dont-want-to-talk-to-anyone-or-move-pass-me-a-line-feeling. its all intoxication.
2. i lose weight.
at first, i was noticing a huge change in myself, but lately, not so much. but that hasnt stopped the spending. money i dont even have! i bought two ball two weeks in a row. i dont have money like that. its a good thing my mom got her tax refund-she paid half of my half of the rent.
and now, everytime i eat, i feel gross and the desire for more returns. and then i fulfill my desires.
i do coke every day of the week almost.
if not coke, then some other drug. acid this weekend? bars perhaps?
when will i stop?
when will i want to stop?
i hope soon.
i hope never.